It took me a long time to write this. It’s hard to write about big things (big things that are little), difficult to put feelings into words and convey them the way you want. Especially when those feelings are deeply personal. But I have talked with several people who were able to learn through my own experiences, and who were grateful that I shared my perspective on such an intimate issue...
Because my closest female relatives (mother and aunts) experienced infertility and extremely difficult pregnancies (my mom almost died due to pregnancy complications when I was 8), I was anxious from a very young age about what it would be like for me to have children. I ended up being very sick during my pregnancies, but not as sick as my mother, and I have not experienced infertility or infant...
Our Son was born on Nov. 29th, 2012. This event happened 5 years after trying to get pregnant. During those 5 years I had 2 miscarriages. The birth of our son brought an immense amount of joy but looking back the years leading up to his birth were hard and filled with a lot of different emotions. Growing up I always wanted to be a mom and never had any indication that it would be a struggle for...
I couldn’t have known. We had been married almost 3 years when we felt it was time to try to have a baby. We were living in a community where waiting that long must have meant something was wrong with us. Despite the questioning and wondering we could sense from so many around us, we knew that none of that mattered. We had an extremely long path of schooling ahead of us, but knew waiting...
What is hard about my experience with miscarriages and infertility is they feel like they sit in this ‘in-between’ zone. They feel ambiguous, and so it’s been hard sometimes to mourn them properly or express the feelings I need to express about them. I’ve had three miscarriages. They all happened between 6 and 10 weeks, the ‘normal’ time frame for a miscarriage. It really isn’t that long to be...
So, this may get long. I have been wanting to write this whole thing out for a very long time, but have never known what I was going to do with it if I did. There may be some that seems “off topic” but for me, its all connected. So, here is my story… I have never been one to remember my dreams, but when I was about 17, I had the same dream twice two consecutive nights that were...
[This story is told through a series of journal and blog posts] 1/16/2012 I am unsure of how I need to start this post: somehow, I feel I need to write it. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. If not for you, then for myself. For my posterity. For anyone who may need to hear it. Because I guess it deals less with fertility and more with matters of life and faith. In posts past, you may...
I was once told that my heartache is big, but my bravery is much bigger. I didn’t believe it until now. It’s been two months since I was told there was no heartbeat, but I’ve been told that three different times. I’ve had to walk away from a “baby checkup” three different times knowing that I wouldn’t hear their heart beat again. I’ve had to be...
Miscarriage. Such an interesting word. The thing I hate most about it is the lack of “baby” or “infant” anywhere in the term. From a faith perspective, what does a miscarriage mean? If you believe in a life beyond, does that mean there was a baby that was supposed to grow but never really did, and you will see that soul in the next life? Does it mean that there was a perfect spirit, but the body...
I found out I was pregnant at the end of June 2019, about four days before we moved to a new house. I was excited but also really nervous about the pregnancy. I was sick the entirety of my first pregnancy and it definitely wasn’t the most fun experience. Everything seemed to be going well and I wasn’t nearly as sick as I was the first time around. So that made me very excited! We went in for our...
We got married a little later in life than expected. Because of this, my husband Byron and I knew we had a shortened time frame for having kids and we decided on 3-4 kids as our ideal number. After our first year of marriage, we decided to start trying. I knew that getting pregnant could take up to a year for some couples so I was prepared for that. I was pleasantly surprised when we got pregnant...
After my husband & I had been married for 3 years and moved across the country, we decided it was time to have a baby. We tried for a year, with no success. At that point, my OB gave me a few different options to pursue that might increase our chance of pregnancy. I sat in my car after the appointment as my thoughts wandered to some of my dearest friends who were caught up...
I had been married for five months when my husband and I decided we would like to try to have children. We were not in the most lucrative of circumstances. It was 2009, and the economy had just crashed. My husband and I had both just graduated before we married, and chose to move in with my parents while my husband searched for a job and finished up his honors thesis and an online course. Since...
I want to tell you a story. A really long story. Not because I think you need to hear it, so much as I just need to tell it. I hate being alone. I have never in my whole life wanted to be alone. Until now. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and I am not handling it very well. I have to start at the very beginning. This story basically took all year. At the beginning of...
It seems unfair to write when so many have suffered so much. But I will share. I was blessed with 6 beautiful babies. 4 girls and 2 boys. Our babies were all born within 15 to 18 months of each other. A day after I brought my 5th baby home from the hospital I started getting pain on my right side. I went to the ER and they took me to surgery for a suspected appendectomy but I didn’t get better...
After we had William (our third) I had 2 miscarriages back to back. The first miscarriage, the day we found out, I knew, I had a feeling that something wasn’t quite right… and in asked my husband Luke if we could wait to tell anyone (not normal for us…. we were the type to shout it out from the roof tops). We lost the baby a few weeks later at 7 weeks. About 10 months later we...
So we were pregnant, and we were due June 25, 2014. Nathan and I were excited to add to our little family! It has been an interesting journey. Hannah was actually pretty excited too (though she didn’t fully understand). We also had many family members thrilled with our news. There have been many prayers said in our behalf to have another child and those prayers were...
I had 5 miscarriages before we finally got Kanan, my oldest son. All 5 of them were discovered via ultrasound and 4 of them were D&Cs. To add insult to injury, the first D&C was scheduled at a hospital that was out of network and we got billed thousands of dollars for it. Two of the babies were sent for genetic testing to rule that out for a possible cause. Those two were genetically...
April 27th 2012 was one of the hardest days I’ve ever had, as a woman, as a mother, as a human, and as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. On April 27th, 2012 I lost my second child- I was around 10 weeks pregnant, yes I know that so many people have had miscarriages and that it is a “normal” thing. However for me, it was devastating. I questioned so...
My story starts at the tender age of 18. I was a newlywed in college working a full time job. 8 months earlier I had been in an accident and suffered a brain injury that caused many side effects, including fainting spells and short term memory amnesia. I was still recovering from those issues when I met and fell in love with my husband. It was a whirlwind romance. We met and got married in 5...