I had 5 miscarriages before we finally got Kanan, my oldest son. All 5 of them were discovered via ultrasound and 4 of them were D&Cs. To add insult to injury, the first D&C was scheduled at a hospital that was out of network and we got billed thousands of dollars for it. Two of the babies were sent for genetic testing to rule that out for a possible cause. Those two were genetically perfect baby boys. I was tested for every single thing and they couldn’t give me an answer as to why it was happening. I even went the holistic route and was taking tinctures and supplements multiple times a day. I created a vlog on YouTube for all the details throughout all of this because I hoped it would help someone.
The last miscarriage was the hardest physically since I decided not to do a 5th D&C. They said having so many could increase the risk of preterm labor if I was ever able to carry a baby longer. I had pretty much given up at that point but still opted to take meds to induce the miscarriage.
After those miscarriages, we tried to adopt. We got our home study done, we had a profile up on adoption.com and talked to a few birth moms. We got scammed by one of them. We had driven out to Arizona to meet her and then a couple months later, I found out through some Facebook stalking that she was lying about everything. Soooo, after that I was pretty much dead inside.
I think it was about 5 months later that I got pregnant again, on accident. I hate telling people that because I always get told, “See, when you stop trying…” and it makes me want to punch them. Same goes for the people who would say, “At least you can get pregnant.” Anyway, I cried and cried because I was not going to survive another miscarriage. But, Kanan stuck. There’s something you can never get back after miscarriages… feeling blissful about being pregnant again. I couldn’t get attached until after about 26 weeks and even then, I worried about cord accidents, etc. I couldn’t let myself be fully happy but Kanan was perfectly healthy. I guess my body just figured it out because now we have a second baby, Kieran, too.