It seems unfair to write when so many have suffered so much. But I will share. I was blessed with 6 beautiful babies. 4 girls and 2 boys. Our babies were all born within 15 to 18 months of each other. A day after I brought my 5th baby home from the hospital I started getting pain on my right side. I went to the ER and they took me to surgery for a suspected appendectomy but I didn’t get better. They could not figure it out. I eventually threw a pulmonary embolism and was in the ICU. They finally took me back to surgery and discovered that I had a bad pelvic thrombophlebitis that had killed one of my ovaries and tubes and I was full of infection from the gangrene l. I was in the hospital an additional 3 weeks and the Dr advised me against having any more babies but we knew there was still another boy. He came to my husband before this little girl was born and told my husband in a dream/vision, “don’t forget me”.
So I ignored the advice and became pregnant again. I had to take heparin injections in my belly daily but we had our sweet baby boy Spencer. At 7 months pregnant with him I became very sick. I went to the ICU again and he was born 2 months early. He was life flighted to Primary’s (this was prior to the days of cortisone to hasten lung tissue and before surfactant). He was not expected to live.
The Dr told me after he was born and they were rushing me in for emergency surgery that he would not deliver for me again if I got pregnant and told me I needed to be there for these 6 babies. I agreed to a tubal ligation. I never should have made that decision at that time. I regretted it from the moment I did it. I was accustomed to getting pregnant when my babies were 5-6 months old (6 babies in 7 years!). Both my husband and I were so baby hungry.
Our sweet baby boy Spencer did survive!! and not only survived, but was whole. None of the Dr’s expected him to live and when he did they were sure he would have seizures and neurological handicaps. All he had as residual was he needed to be on oxygen for 3 months. We were so incredibly blessed. He is a Sargent now in the US Marine Corp! He is definitely our miracle baby. There is much faith building in that experience as well but I will leave that for another time.
Both Johnny and I were still so baby hungry that a few years after my tubal ligation I had it reversed. We tried to get pregnant for several years. We did tests to make sure the tube was open. I did fertility meds, (had to be hospitalized secondary to my ovary over producing. I looked 6 months pregnant with the swelling of my ovary). Still nothing. We all but gave up and decided it must be Heavenly Father’s plan all along to not have any more. But at least I felt like there was an avenue if Heavenly Father had wanted to send us more sweet spirits. One day, about 7 years into this I had a severe pain on my left side. It was the kind of pain that you know “something is wrong”. I called my Dr but had to schedule a week out. I called Johnny home from work to take me to the ER but by the time he got home the pain was less. I assumed I probably had a ruptured ovarian cyst. My appointment came and I almost didn’t go but had a nagging thought that this maybe could be a tubal pregnancy. I had a late period and then the next one was weird with just some dark old blood. (Sorry for the TMI). The Dr told me what I had assumed. I probably had a ruptured ovarian cyst. As he was walking out of the room I mustered the strength to remind him of the tubal reanastomosis. He was like “oh yeah, I forgot about that. We should probably do a pregnancy test.” They did a blood pregnancy test. I will always remember getting that call from that cheery nurse saying, “You’re Pregnant!” I had so longed to hear those words again. Even though deep down in my heart I knew it was likely a tubal pregnancy I will cherish those words forever. As that would be the very last time in this life that I will ever hear those words. I explained my fear of a possible tubal pregnancy. She spoke with the Dr and told me it was probably fine! Lots of women have pain and even odd periods while pregnant. I hoped with every fiber of my being that she was right. I even went and bought some formula and binkies! I loved this new life growing inside me from the first moment I heard those unforgettable words.
My hope and happiness was soon dashed as within a few days a dull ache started in my left side and my heart rate went up over 100. I knew I was likely bleeding. The pain intensified and we called the Dr. He still said I was probably fine, it was probably just some stretching of my broad ligament but I could go to the ER if I wanted to. The pain intensified and we did leave to go to the ER. With my hopes dashed there was an even bigger devastation creeping in. I felt like I was making a CHOICE to end my pregnancy. I called a dear friend who had delivered a still born just a month before his birth (I still remember his name, Parker) and she had also had a prior tubal pregnancy. It was a comfort to talk to her and for her to tell me she had those same fears and reservations but that there really was no other way as it was a danger to my life and the fetus was not viable. They took me into emergency surgery and the tube was already rupturing at that time. I was unfortunately placed at the end of the hall on the OB/Gyn unit. I could still hear the babies being taken to their mothers. I felt so empty. A friend of mine had her baby that day too and saw me and came down when she saw me. She was bubbling over with happiness over her new baby, as she should be, having no idea of what had just happened to me. I tried hard not to but broke down. She felt so bad when I told her why I was there. I was not mad at all. I was happy for her. But the pain and sorrow were real. It’s amazing how fast and hard you can love a new growing baby. If only for a few days.
I know Heavenly Father is in every detail. I am a more compassionate person than ever before. And even though I know the joys of fertility I was given just a small glimpse into the heartbreak of infertility. And only 11 or so years later we were able to take on the amazing responsibility but heartbreaking experience of watching our daughter lose her beautiful daughters secondary to drug addiction but being in a place to accept and embrace the responsibility of adopting 3 of our granddaughters. But That’s another story for another day. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father that knows us, knows the beginning from the end and is ever conscious of us. I am grateful again for the opportunity to grow from life’s challenges. I am so blessed. I have never shared this with anyone because it seems (and is) so small secondary to the loss of so many others. Thank you for the opportunity.