So we were pregnant, and we were due June 25, 2014.
Nathan and I were excited to add to our little family! It has been an interesting journey. Hannah was actually pretty excited too (though she didn’t fully understand). We also had many family members thrilled with our news. There have been many prayers said in our behalf to have another child and those prayers were answered, though for a brief time.
But Heavenly Father had another plan for this little one. On November 22nd I went for my first check up. I was 9 weeks and 2 days along. After 2 ultrasounds, it was confirmed that the baby had no heartbeat, which meant that we were miscarrying. Tears. Lots and LOTS of tears.
This news hit us like a ton of bricks. Actually, that phrase just doesn’t seem to do it justice. It was like hundreds of semi trucks driving at 100 mph hitting you head on. We were completely shocked and blindsided by this news seeing that I was showing no signs of miscarrying (cramping and/or bleeding). We know of friends who have miscarried, and a few relatives, but we never thought this would happen to us. NEVER! We were devastated, heartbroken, distraught, and it seemed as if our world shattered for sometime. It was painful, very painful. Not only were we sad, but our families were heartbroken too.
It’s been 2 months now since the loss of baby Culmer, but since that loss our marriage is stronger. Why? Because not only have we turned to each other, but we have also included Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in our lives, our marriage, and our loss. We have turned to Them in prayer — heavy, hard prayer. We have turned to Them by reading the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon. The scriptures have the answers to life, and when coupled with fervent prayer they provide guidance, reassurance, comfort, and peace. The purpose of life is to come to this earth, to be tested, and face adversity. Our miscarriage is just one adversity Nathan and I will have to face. But if we endure it well, then “great shall be our reward in heaven” (Matthew 5).
Even though we are sad, we feel at peace. This child was not meant to come to us at this time (or perhaps ever). Deep down we both know that Heavenly Father has a plan for our family, and that He is in control of that plan — not us. We have complete faith in Him.
Despite the sorrow that comes with the loss of a miscarriage, there have also been countless blessings that have come from it. One blessing in particular — is it has helped us enjoy Hannah more. We treasure her more. We are finding more joy in her. We love her more. We feel lucky to have Hannah — our sweet, beautiful, energetic, adorable daughter.
About 2 ½ years ago, Nathan and I were eating lunch at a food joint. Hannah was in her carseat, sleeping. An unknown man (who was dressed in attire that made him look like he didn’t have much) came up to Nathan and said “You are a rich man,” and left. I’ve reflected on that statement repeatedly these last few months. Despite our unfortunate news, we are still richly blessed: We have an ideal marriage — truly. We have a healthy daughter. We have a loving family who would move heaven and earth for us. We are an eternal family, and we have the assurance that we can be together forever. We take comfort in and live for that promise. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives, and because of that we feel of our Savior’s love. And, we have a loving Father in Heaven. He is always there for us. He listens and answers our prayers.
Who would have thought that there would be blessings that come from a miscarriage? I certainly would not have, but I am glad for this opportunity to be able to grow and to see the blessings in my personal life, and our family’s life. Despite the sorrows and sadness that life sometimes brings, there is always joy and hope to be found.