Losing a child has always been at the top of my “unimaginable” list. I couldn’t comprehend what it would feel like, nor the type of strength it would take to make it through. I even frequently said, “I don’t think that will happen to me because God knows I couldn’t handle it”… Our son Charley was stillborn at 39 weeks April, of 2007. I’ll never forget the amazing spirit in our home the week...
In August 2016, we found out we were expecting our first baby due April 12, 2017. Everything progressed well throughout the pregnancy and just before Thanksgiving 2016, we found out we were having a little girl. The doctors did monthly ultrasounds to closely monitor the baby’s growth and heart as I have an autoimmune disease called Ulcerative Colitis, and they wanted to be extra precautious. She...
So, this may get long. I have been wanting to write this whole thing out for a very long time, but have never known what I was going to do with it if I did. There may be some that seems “off topic” but for me, its all connected. So, here is my story… I have never been one to remember my dreams, but when I was about 17, I had the same dream twice two consecutive nights that were...
Our daughter Sarah lived only 4 days. Though her life was brief, it was also beautiful, and it was miraculous. Her story starts back in early January 2014 when I found out I was pregnant. This was confusing to us because I hadn’t done IVF four times like we did with my oldest daughter, M. We took 7 pregnancy tests, just to be sure. They were all positive. My little miracle pregnancy...
[This story is told through a series of journal and blog posts] 1/16/2012 I am unsure of how I need to start this post: somehow, I feel I need to write it. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. If not for you, then for myself. For my posterity. For anyone who may need to hear it. Because I guess it deals less with fertility and more with matters of life and faith. In posts past, you may...
This is a hard memory to revisit, even though I miss my baby that I didn’t get to bring home every day. When you get used to the new normal, if you can even really call it “used to” something like this, it doesn’t make it any easier to dive deep into it. But I don’t want to forget either. As I read through my journal to prepare to write this, I came across something that I hadn’t thought about in...
Ever since I was little I hoped for a big family someday. I was one of 3 children, which was so much fun. My siblings and I were good friends and we had a great time together. I hoped for at least the same for my own children, but I dreamed of having 6 kids someday. When my husband and I started dating I learned he was one of 5 children. When things were getting more serious for us we started...
Miscarriage. Such an interesting word. The thing I hate most about it is the lack of “baby” or “infant” anywhere in the term. From a faith perspective, what does a miscarriage mean? If you believe in a life beyond, does that mean there was a baby that was supposed to grow but never really did, and you will see that soul in the next life? Does it mean that there was a perfect spirit, but the body...
Our sweet angel Olivia was born still on February 19th, 2019. Our story is not an easy one to tell, but I know that sharing it has helped me heal and has helped keep the memory of our sweet baby girl alive. Sunday night: It had been a few days since I had felt her kick. There were still movements going on, but they weren’t the same. I had felt distinct hard kicks…but not since Friday. I...
Sarah and Emily would turn 29 years old at the end of this year. I can’t believe it’s been so long. And yet I have never written down their story. For the first few years I tried to organize things in my head, but I always got too bogged down in the details and the grief. In these days of the COVID19 pandemic, I might never have told the story otherwise. In 1988, when my 3rd son Ryan was a...
It seems unfair to write when so many have suffered so much. But I will share. I was blessed with 6 beautiful babies. 4 girls and 2 boys. Our babies were all born within 15 to 18 months of each other. A day after I brought my 5th baby home from the hospital I started getting pain on my right side. I went to the ER and they took me to surgery for a suspected appendectomy but I didn’t get better...
Hi everyone! I’m Devin. I am one of the unique ones that have dealt with infertility my whole life. As an infant, I was diagnosed with Turner Syndrome. Long story short, I don’t produce eggs for reproduction. Honestly, growing up knowing this and up until I got married… I was pretty okay. It didn’t really affect me yet. I’m guessing because I was not sexually active...
My son’s death has been my defining moment. It has been amazing to me that just the few short days of his life have made such a difference for so many years and all the years of my life. Samuel was fine when he was born, but stopped breathing for an undetermined reason a few hours later. He was revived and brought to the Provo NICU, where they could not find anything wrong...
There are few decisions I’ve made in my life where I can truly say “This was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.” I have a “rare” condition called vaginismus. I say rare in quotations because there are women out there that have my problem but don’t talk about it with their physicians or families because it’s too personal, and therefore...
So we were pregnant, and we were due June 25, 2014. Nathan and I were excited to add to our little family! It has been an interesting journey. Hannah was actually pretty excited too (though she didn’t fully understand). We also had many family members thrilled with our news. There have been many prayers said in our behalf to have another child and those prayers were...
April 27th 2012 was one of the hardest days I’ve ever had, as a woman, as a mother, as a human, and as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. On April 27th, 2012 I lost my second child- I was around 10 weeks pregnant, yes I know that so many people have had miscarriages and that it is a “normal” thing. However for me, it was devastating. I questioned so...
My story starts at the tender age of 18. I was a newlywed in college working a full time job. 8 months earlier I had been in an accident and suffered a brain injury that caused many side effects, including fainting spells and short term memory amnesia. I was still recovering from those issues when I met and fell in love with my husband. It was a whirlwind romance. We met and got married in 5...
I have 4 living children, but have lost 3. The first one I was only 4 weeks and have tried to convince myself that maybe I wasn’t really pregnant. The second miscarriage was horrific and completely life changing for me. I was 6 weeks (closer to 7) along when it happened. I was sitting at the table eating breakfast with my kids, it was roughly 7:45am. I had been having some stomach cramping when I...