I had a miscarriage after my oldest child Brisa. It was Good Friday and I was six weeks pregnant. I had only told my husband that we were pregnant so after I miscarried I felt like I couldn’t get emotional support from family or friends because no one even knew I was pregnant yet. I had to go to work Monday even though I was bleeding heavily and cramping. A couple days later was April fools day and one of my coworkers thought it would be funny if we all told my boss that I was pregnant. I said I didn’t want to so another girl volunteered. I just sat at the lunch table with a fake smile while they pranked my boss and everyone had a good laugh. I went home that day and cried in my closet all alone.
A few days after the miscarriage I had to go to the doctor to get the rhogam shot since I am Rh negative. I asked if the miscarriage was because I hadn’t gotten the shot soon enough and they said no. They said sometimes people just miscarry because there might be some genetic defects in the embryo and it’s not preventable. That made me feel better because I was scared I had done something to cause it.
About a month later co-workers began asking when I was thinking about having another child. I shared with them that I had miscarried and I wasn’t sure. One of my coworkers shared that she also miscarried after her first child.
A month after that my mom visited and saw prenatal vitamins in my cupboard. She asked if I was trying to get pregnant. I told her I had miscarried and wanted to make sure I had plenty of vitamins in my system before trying to get pregnant again. She asked why I hadn’t told her before. I told her it was because my sister announced she was pregnant a week after I miscarried and I felt like I couldn’t talk about it. She told me she thinks she probably miscarried before getting pregnant with me.
A few months after the miscarriage we got pregnant with Nyla. She was the easiest baby and is my most easy going child. I named the baby I lost in utero Angel. Nyla’s middle name is Malaika which means Angel in Swahili. My miscarriage was an emotionally painful experience but if it would have not occurred I would not have Nyla in my life. Nyla turns 6 tomorrow.
A few years after my miscarriage I learned that one in four women experience infertility, Miscarriage, or infant loss. I did not know it was so common because nobody talks about it. I feel like women are encouraged to wait to announce a pregnancy until the second trimester because of the possibility of loss. But then if they do lose their baby, they have no one to talk to because no one knows they were pregnant. Then once they get the chance to tell their story they realize that some of their closest friends and even family have gone through the same thing.